Your porn is not Canadian enough: CRTC ruling

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Pornography porn sex parents parenting / Shutterstock

Last month, the Canadian Radio-television & Telecommunications Commission issued a warning to several Toronto-based erotica channels for failing to broadcast a sufficient level of Canadian-made pornography.

AOV Adult Movie Channel, XXX Action Clips, and homosexual-oriented Maleflixxx were all reprimanded for failing to reach the required 35 per cent threshold for Canadian content and providing an insufficient level of close captioning.

All Canadian broadcasters are required to air content that consists of 35 per cent Canadian programming over the course of the year. The blanket rule is part of the federal government’s long-running mandate of fostering Canadian talent and the local entertainment industry, in addition to ensuring broadcasters do not simply acquire the rights to American-made programming.

This means approximately 8.5 hours of a 24-hour broadcast schedule is required to be Canadian programming. According to a filing to the CRTC, Channel Zero claims the deficit in Canadian erotica was merely a clerical error and that its channels missed the threshold by minutes per day. The programming was adjusted in light of the regulators’ notice.

With regards to the CRTC’s complaint on the need for close captioning, Channel Zero said, “We appreciate and respect the importance of providing closed captioning for our viewers, as a means of making our programming accessible to the hearing impaired.”

Regulators also previously discussed the need for audio description to cater to the blind audience, which led Channel Zero to issue the following reply: “We currently do not air any programming that would require Audio Description.”

So, what’s next in line for the CRTC’s strict regulations? Bilingual moaning? Mon dieu… oh my God. Mon dieu… oh my God.

Then again, there’s always the internet.

CRTC-approved Canadian Pornography Scenarios

In jest, here are several Canadian-based pornography plot ideas for Channel Zero to boost its threshold – courtesy of The Toast:

  1. A man bumps into a woman on the street. “Sorry!” says the woman. “No, no, it was my fault, entirely,” says the man. They go to a hotel and have sex while listening to Trooper’s “Raise a Little Hell.”
  2. A Mountie in full dress uniform goes down on a member of the Edmonton Oilers. While the Oiler is distracted by his climax, the Mountie slaps a pair of handcuffs on him. “I always get my man,” he says, “and now we’re gonna watch Murdoch Mysteries together.”
  3. “That’s a nice-looking cervix you’ve got there,” an ob-gyn says to his patient, winking. “I can tell you don’t have to prioritize buying groceries or paying student loans over your sexual health care.”
    “I sure don’t,” she says. “But what a wildly inappropriate compliment to pay someone coming to you for gynecological care. I have every intention of reporting you to the relevant authority, which, here in Vancouver, is the College of Physicians and Surgeons of British Columbia.”
  4. “Ladies, I’m in the mood for a double-double, if you know what I mean.” They pour him a Timmy’s with double cream and double sugar, which he takes home and shares with his gay husband, Rick Mercer.
  5. Two ladies in blazers arrive at the Global Strategic Maple Syrup Reserve to solve our nation’s greatest crime, but the real crime turns out to be how they’ve stolen each other’s hearts. It gets…pretty messy.

 

Featured Image: Parent guarding son from porn via Shutterstock

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