BREAKING: Why Torts' NHL hearing is taking so long

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bettmandaly

The longer Vancouver awaits the verdict from John Tortorella’s NHL hearing, the more worried we are becoming. Surely the time this is taking can’t be a good sign…

Lucky for you, VcB and Omarcanuck installed hidden microphones in the NHL meeting rooms at the start of the season.

I just checked on what’s going on in there, and guys, it’s not good… It’s pretty bad. Here’s the transcript:

Gary Bettman: Welcome to your hearing, John. Why have you brought that body guard, who looks like a hobo, by the way, with you?

John Tortorella: Bill Daly is here. You brought your idiot with you to this meeting, so I brought mine. I have to protect myself.

Bettman: You do realize it’s that kind of thinking that has gotten you into this mess in the first place?

Torts: I regret it, okay Gary? I should not have put Lainer out there for that draw. And I would absolutely do it again in a heartbeat.

Bettman: Okay, that doesn’t even make sense. But I don’t care who you started. You’re here because you went to their dressing room in the intermission.

Torts: Yeah? Well you’re here because the owners don’t know any better than to hire an incompetent fool as commissioner.

Bill Daly: You better not talk to the commissioner of the NHL like that.

Torts: Are you challenging me? Get him, Tom!

At this point we hear some grunting and yelling, and what sounds like a fist hitting a bald head repeatedly. Eventually the commotion dies down.

Bettman: You’re insane! You can’t solve all your problems by fighting. Not everyone is out to get you.

Torts: Wrong. Everyone is out to get me. Brooksy, Hartley, the media – everyone!

Bettman: Yeah right. Next thing you’ll say the Duthie and TSN Quiz was out to get you too.

John: ARE YOU F—ING KIDDING ME? You bring me here for a hearing and you mention that piece of garbage show? You’re done for now!

At this point we hear what sounds to be a short man getting tackled, but we can’t be sure. The commotion is still going on as we speak.

… so hopefully Torts gets less than 5 games, right?

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Omar A has worked for 24 hours, the Canadian Press and TSN. He graduated from the Journalism program at the University of King's College
@omarcanuck

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