The Vancouver dating scene is made up of misconceptions regarding the opposite sex.
Men often tell me “women in Vancouver are unapproachable and snobby.”
Women often explain that “men in Vancouver never approach and when they do, they act like cocky assholes.”
This past weekend as I sat sipping on my pick-me-up at the buzzing Cactus Coal Harbor, a gentleman and I got to talking about this clear confusion and common misconceptions when it comes to dating in Vancity.
As always, I quickly defended the women, while fully admitting that, yes, some of the girls in this city may think they are too important or special for their own good. Then like an open minded, unprejudiced, sex and relationship writer should, I sided with neither gender, understood the assumptions and honed in on the clear confusion of his previous statements.
I explained that we, women, appreciate confidence and respect; yet so many of us stand alone in coffee shops wondering “why can’t a sane man approach me and say something nice?”
The rebuttal was one I have heard repetitively when I request a male opinion on Vancouver women. He argued that we, women, don’t seem as if we want to be approached at all – that our body language screams: “I’m an unapproachable (insert word your mom wouldn’t want you to use to describe a female here).”
“Well then why does no one approach me?” I asked. Crickets… a part of me knows the answer, the other part of me thinks: “there’s gotta be a man with the confidence to approach me” (I’m taller than most, I talk and write about sex and I’m as loud as all the other members on my father’s side of the family…in other words a little intimidating at times).
I realize that perhaps some women do come across as standoffish and uninterested, but I also see women who smile and converse on a daily basis. Some of us would welcome a genuine introduction, compliment, conversation or even a smile!
Men, let’s not throw all the women into the same bitch mix, believe it or not, there some good ones out there – and YOU are passing them up because YOU are busy assuming we must love the colour pink, have a small dog and get our lips done.
Women, don’t think you are getting off so easy. YOU are possibly passing up men because YOU are too busy making assumptions such as: men must all be jerks who sleep with numerous women, have several sexually transmitted diseases and would prefer someone much younger with fake breasts.
While at the bank today, the single teller and I had a short, but important discussion regarding Vancouver’s lack of confident single men.
“Where are they? If you find them please be sure to inform me,” she begged. But I couldn’t help her, I couldn’t tell her where they are hiding, where they go on weekends, what area of the city to stalk because I fear they may be extinct!
If women note that men don’t approach and men claim that women are unapproachable then that leaves us at the bar standing like 12-year-olds at a school dance. Men assume women are snobs, while women are almost positive that this city has been taken over by a male-asshole-zombie epidemic (we are still unsure at this point but further investigation is underway) so that makes for a whole lot of terrible people don’t you think? A city full of bitchy women and rude disrespectful men…. I happen to know this is false because off the top of my head I could name at least 20 nice, single, approachable females and maybe a handful of men who I would let date my friends.
The theory is incorrect.
Men have it all wrong:
“Vancouver women are unapproachable, overly emotional and snobby,” should sound more like:
“Vancouver women like a guy that approaches in a nice way, I think I’ll try that for a change.”– Soon finding out that she is either snobby as assumed or one of the nice ones. Problem solved!
Women also have it all wrong:
“Vancouver men are all cocky assholes who aren’t confident enough to approach us,” should sound more like:
“Vancouver men are sometimes a little scared to approach, so knowing that, maybe I’ll smile a little more than usually and not instantly assume every guy that talks to me is an asshole or a player.”
This stance may make you both aware of your body language and the preconceived notions you may be holding, thus giving someone a chance you may have previously overlooked.
People like to categorize and create stereotypes based on their experiences. If every girl you’ve every dated has been a total bitch, well then I don’t blame you for steering clear of the female race. If every guy you’ve ever slept with treated you with disrespect then sure I understand your distance. The idea is to leave your past dating traumas behind and be more open and accepting, so this Vancouver misconception mess gets cleaned up!
Submit questions via email to firstname.lastname@example.org, subject: sex in vancity.
image via Ubyssey