Review it!: The Burlesque Assassins

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The Burlesque Assassins, an independent Canadian production directed by Jonathan Joffe, Set in the 1950’s, this tale of cold war espionage and intrigue follows Johnny Valentine (Armitage Shanks), Katarina Molotov (Carrie Schiffler), and a trio of sexy super-spies as they seduce their way within killing distance of a group of villains hell bent on global domination.

The film start out in the 1940s, but quickly fast forwards to the 1950’s to a bar in Windsor Ontario, where we are introduced to one of the hottest women in the film- Bourbon Sue (Roxi D’Lite). A sassy “tough girl” who seduces a couple guys from Detroit, lours them into a dark alley, and rolls them for everything they have. Watching from a distance is Johnny Valentine the leader of the Burlesque Assassins, who quickly recruits Bourbon Sue for their latest mission.

As Bourbon Sue watches her training video (or lack of training video) we meet the rest of the Assassins; Bombshell Belle (Rosalind Porter) from England, and Koko La Douce (Missy Starlight) a very sophisticated German spy. The mission is simple- “To seduce and destroy” the communist villains Joseph Stalin (Dusan Rokvic), Mussolini Jr (Matthew Graham), and the clone of Hitler (Brendan Hunter) who are assumed to have acquired some sort of super-weapon. Embarking on their mission the trio rely upon ingenuity, intelligence, talent, each other, and a whole lot of booty.

When I was invited to the screening I was excited (in more than one way), what can be hotter than scantily clad women killing communists? The beginning of the film starts a little slow, but like my erection- it picked up fast. All of the women who performed in this film did a wonderful job. The ladies were flawless, talented, and easy on the eyes. The comedic clash between Mussolini Jr and the clone of Hitler in the burlesque club was hilarious. I could probably watch an entire movie based off those two characters- they were well written and well executed. The feel throughout the film felt a little bit like “Charles Angels”, or should I say “Johnny’s Angels” mixed with another indie classic “The Night They Raided Minsky’s”. The soundtrack was well put together, and the visual aspects were well sought out. Most of the action takes place in a burlesque club (in Medicine Hat), and included brilliant performances by stars such as Kitten Deville, Scarlett Martini and Renea Le Roux, among others.

The Burlesque Assassins had plenty of entertainment on, and off screen. During the premiere they had live performances by award winning performers Melody Mangler, April O ‘Peel and Lola Frost. I’m not a burlesque critic, but according to my growing, all of them were incredible.

Despite all the beautiful women; the film itself did have some flaws. Filled with flashbacks and a sub-plot that really wasn’t necessary, it slowed down the momentum of the film, and dare I say it? – Flat out boring at times. Yet, in the end the movie is what it is, a campy Canadian comedy with beautiful women and marvelous burlesque.

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Felix Kay Entertainment Columnist for Vancity Buzz
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