Sunday Musings: Congress Sponsored Black Monday

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This past Monday as I was just finishing stating my optimism, the fucking house republicans decide to torpedo the stock market with their asshattery. The DOW plummeted 780 points. Then they take the day off for Rosh Hashanah, WTF! how many Jews are even in the congress, god dammit Wall Street was open and I guaran-fucking-tee you there are more Jewish people in Wall Street than in freaking congress.

You’d think they would wanna resolve the greatest economic crisis in our history, odd no?

As for the bailout that Hank Paulson put forth on the table, was it the ideal solution? Is there an ideal solution? This mess that the United States is in can be described as fucktarded at best. Congress new the bill reeked, the Dem’s knew it as well but they had to pass it. Why? Because the economic consequences would be detrimental to all, Wall Street and Main Street. Your Damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

So on Friday they finally pass legislation to bail out Wall Street, but what about the Governator? Rest assured Joey bag o’donuts, you may now proceed to buy that egregious 50″ LCD television for Christmas on credit. Fuck Main Street and their lazy union jobs and Fuck Wall Street and their greedy fat cats. Bye-bye capitalism, you can thank greed for your ultimate demise.

Many “semi-rich” old men in my office were stocking up on Campbell’s soup, mmm mmm good indeed.

Moving on, Vancity Buzz has sent out the bill collector to collect the sub-prime mortgages that have be lent to Suburban Don and The Schwab (once writers of this site, now MIA). Hence, a possible reason why you don’t see those assholes contribute to this site anymore. It’s kind of hard to blog when your computers have been seized by the Fed. Now they are on the streets with the APC terrorizing little kids. The Urban Dweller has heard from his sources that Skeets, Don and the Schwab have been hanging with Sean Orr at the local soup kitchens. Egregious.

As for our country’s debate, “either you don’t care or you’re incompetent. Which is it?”. Jack Layton was a rabid wolverine in the debate. The VP debate south of the border wasn’t as interesting, mainly because Palin came across as semi knowledgeable. Having watched both the debates, I must say that ours was far more emotional. Remember this October 8 is our city’s mayor debate sponsored by the Vancouver Courier.

So Scarlett Johansson gets married to Vancourite Ryan Reynolds this past weekend. Kudos to Kits native Reynolds, he bagged himself a dime piece. The staff at Vancity Buzz pronounce Scarlett Johansson an honourary citizen of Vancouver.

I was tipped off by my Hollywood insider, however the fucktardness on Bay and Wall Street occupied the attention of my calculator brain to escape the week mostly unscathed. You may call me a space alien magician the way I played the markets. However, I’ll chalk it up to being extremely fucking lucky.

Gay bashing by a Surrey Resident? Well at least according to the WestEnder. Fucking coward. Somebody should punch the mustache off his face. Note, Money J Skeets was extremely offended by this incident.

All hail Captain Luongo and bow down in the presence of his greatness. It’s got to be the new hair cut.

 

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Vancity Buzz Staff Your inside source for Vancouver happenings. Established 2008.
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